I used to be mesmerized by the women who stood in front of me on the stage teaching either from a DVD, or live at a christian conference. These strong godly women all seemed to have perfectly colored hair and the cutest shoes and accessories; as well as the most important attribute, a dynamic faith in our Creator.
For years I listened and learned, and wondered how on earth they were able to do “it” all so perfectly.
I wasn’t judging. But, I admit, I was a bit envious. I wanted to know why they seemed to have it all figured out but I still struggled with so many shortcomings. Knowing that God had called me with a passion for leading others into the journey of Spiritual Growth, I felt like I had the gifts, but not the tools.
One morning, on my way to drop my 3 year old off at pre-school, God showed up in an unbelievable way. He let me know it was time for a hard conversation.
After years of attempting and failing miserably on the perfection train, I was halted by the God I had worshipped my entire life.
The God I had always adored, yet never realized that He really wanted to be a part of every aspect of my life.
He wanted to get into my world and transform me from the inside out.
He not only wanted me to know my gifts, but was now equipping me to use them.
I realized that I was exhausted from trying to make sense of how in the world I would ever be a "voice in the wilderness" while my own weaknesses were innumerable.
God, I am unequipped.
I’m a wife and a mom.
I have cartoons playing in the background as I type.
Because I was drained (and out of excuses), I was finally willing to listen to God’s side of the story. Without much convincing, I waved the white flag of incompetency and let Him take the reigns.
Now, as I stand before hundreds of women as that same “preacher girl” I used to be in awe of, I realize that the women who have gone before me are not that much more gifted or equipped. They were just much further along in their faith and were allowing God to use them way beyond their own capabilities.
Often I will tell anyone who will listen how inadequate I am, and how I could name 20 women that seem to have it more together than I do. And 20 more women who seemingly “deserve” to have the kind of influence that God is trusting me with.
Yet, He chose me. Stumbling, not so cute, fumbles around her words...me.
Somehow those honest and authentic words endure me to the group I stand in front of and they realize they can trust what I say. They know that I know that we are the same.
Humbly I approach the throne of grace, and undeservingly I accept His call.
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