When 5 o'clock rolled around I made sure that I had showered, applied some mascara, and met him with a kiss at the back door as soon as he arrived home from work.
We ordered pizza (because...Pizza Friday) and enjoyed each other and the kids. Throughout dinner I was talked over, since my stories aren't as fun as the kids', so I sat contentedly watching and enjoying our boisterous bunch. I happily took care of the minimal cleanup so the boys could get some roughhousing out of their system. AND so that their daddy (who still wins every wrestling match) could re-establish his domain as the king of his castle. I gave the kids "their" time, because I knew that my time was coming.
Up until this point: a very normal evening.
My expectations were for the kids to go to bed at a decent hour so that Brandon and I could have some time to "adult." In my mind, we would "adult" with some of my favorite pastimes: eating ice-cream on the couch while catching up with the DVR, glasses of wine out on the front porch, or just riding our beach cruisers around the neighborhood. Super chill, yet in my opinion, perfect ways to end an evening while enjoying each other's company.
But last night none of these things happened.
The night had taken over and I found myself throwing a mini pity party as we finally plopped into bed and my husband was sleeping before even saying goodnight.
I laid there wondering if he even remembered the cute texts I had sent. Before I fell asleep I was even wondering if he loved me as much as he loved the kids because clearly, they were much more fun to hang out with. (this is totally what happens when I am already a little down, and then I have some time to "hang out" with my thoughts...)
Thankfully, for the sake of everybody, the next morning I woke up with a renewed attitude ready to tackle the day. The night before was (sort of) a disappointment, but all-in-all I have so much to be grateful for. I woke up thinking, "am I really going to focus on one evening that didn't go my way?"
I thought about my struggles from the night and came up with some mental notes to pass on. I am sure that I am not the only mom who goes to bed sometimes feeling a little "jacked."
1- Realize this is a season. Enjoy having everyone home and around the table (even when they all talk over you), because someday it will be a rarity.
Know this. Expect this. It doesn't mean that you get talked over every night, but also know that these moments won't be here forever.
As for the shenanigans that you might get left out of....for goodness sake, take advantage of the surprise "me" time and read a magazine. Even better (if you can muster the energy) join in on the fun!
2- You are probably over-the-moon that your kids have a good dad, so try really hard to not make him feel guilty about it. I understand needs and emotions. I really do. But don't be the needy wife. We all know that wife, and we don't want to be her. Being totally honest with you...that kind of wife is not super attractive. Sometimes I need someone to remind me of that one too.
3- Plan dates that don't involve kids. As often as possible. I talked on this subject quite a bit in this popular post. It might be good to go back and read some of the ideas I have for dating our husbands like it's our job.
4- It's ok to share your feelings. Funnel your thoughts through a trustworthy friend before you bombard your man with an emotional conversation- the last thing he needs is more emotional baggage to carry around. BUT- if your friend thinks you have a point, and that at the right time you should bring the subject up to him, then with her "go-ahead" you can know that you are not just sabotaging precious time for a little attention. Your husband loves you and he cares about your feelings.
5- Make sure that you are not needing his attention to fill a void in your life. Girls- I still do this. I am almost 37 years old and I can see it a mile away in someone else, but it can be so easy to do, and so hard to tell when you are the one doing it. Your man is only human. He is one man. He is not your god or your God. So try and make sure that your expectations are reasonable and not unfounded.
So there you have it! A simple list of reminders to read over when your husband is such a good daddy that sometimes you get jacked.
Next one up: When You are such a good Mommy that your Husband gets Jacked (a work in progress...).