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| My Mom and I lizziebeephotography.com My Phoenix {Part 2} Guest Post by Candace Gaeta |
Over the course of the next 18 months I lived in fear and the threat that if I ever told that my father would be fired as well as my brother in law. He repeatedly told me that no one would believe me if I uttered a word. Now I know I was a prime candidate for such a predator. I was a naive, gawky, undeveloped young lady that did no know who I was and whose father never made me feel like a princess. It’s not that he set out to do that – he just never was intentional about telling me I was beautiful, or anyone special.
But here was this man, a respected and charismatic pastor, telling me unthinkable things. He said I was beautiful and smart and all the things a 15 year old needed to hear. I fell into a well plotted pit.
The nightmare finally culminated because a young lady is not designed to keep these sorts of secrets.
On Sunday I would listen to him eloquently preach and then throughout the week I was being stalked, sometimes under my window late at night. He would mysteriously show up where I was babysitting or working and I realized he was following me.
I was living a nightmare and the story began to spill out.
I told.
I told my brother in law and sister, I told my parents and eventually, told the church board.
Meetings lasting till midnight ensued with complete denial on the part of the pastor. What followed were lies, accusations and finally, just as he had threatened me, my parents were asked to leave the staff and state.
Eventually my sister and her husband also had to leave their position. In the 60’s people put these kinds of things under the rug and so did I. I internalized it all, carried the shame and much of the blame for years. I made decisions that altered the course of my life because I felt handled, damaged and shamed. That is, until my own precious daughter turned 15. An intense anger began to surge and the looming question…..how could anyone dare touch an innocent young girl such as my daughter, such as me?
I began to get some counseling and in time wrote a letter confronting him. I wrote, “You must be nearing the time when you stand before God and I’m giving you the opportunity to come clean, admit your sin and receive forgiveness. I need to hear the words from your mouth, “I did the things you accused me of”. Amazingly, I received a phone call from an elderly man, admitting his wrong and asking for forgiveness.
On Sunday I would listen to him eloquently preach and then throughout the week I was being stalked, sometimes under my window late at night. He would mysteriously show up where I was babysitting or working and I realized he was following me.
I was living a nightmare and the story began to spill out.
I told.
I told my brother in law and sister, I told my parents and eventually, told the church board.
Meetings lasting till midnight ensued with complete denial on the part of the pastor. What followed were lies, accusations and finally, just as he had threatened me, my parents were asked to leave the staff and state.
Eventually my sister and her husband also had to leave their position. In the 60’s people put these kinds of things under the rug and so did I. I internalized it all, carried the shame and much of the blame for years. I made decisions that altered the course of my life because I felt handled, damaged and shamed. That is, until my own precious daughter turned 15. An intense anger began to surge and the looming question…..how could anyone dare touch an innocent young girl such as my daughter, such as me?
I began to get some counseling and in time wrote a letter confronting him. I wrote, “You must be nearing the time when you stand before God and I’m giving you the opportunity to come clean, admit your sin and receive forgiveness. I need to hear the words from your mouth, “I did the things you accused me of”. Amazingly, I received a phone call from an elderly man, admitting his wrong and asking for forgiveness.
Still, life was difficult. Eventually, more lies, accusations and late night board meetings occurred. My 19 year difficult marriage to an unfaithful husband ended in a very public and humiliating way. My four children, ages 16, 14 and 8 year old twins and I left our foreclosed home for higher ground.
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Candace Gaeta is a wife, mother, Nana, and women's counselor/mentor. She also enjoys speaking at women's retreats when she can find the time to get away. She has served in the ministry for the last 40 years and now that she is 'retired' will continue to serve where ever she is needed. Her heart is with her grandchildren as she is now living the dream of every grandparent only steps from 6 of them, and across the park from the newest addition. Candace desires to live as a light in darkness and will tell anyone who asks about her story of God's redemptive love.
